I am late in writing this because we have been on vacation...
Now THIS is happiness...the sun, the sea, the ones I love (well some of them anyways), a perfect setting, delectably delicious food. No cooking for me or any other home-type responsibilities...what a lovely break.
I am not complaining, I enjoy being who I am (for the most part), and my life work, taking care of family and home and connecting with the community through my responsibilities at church are all things that are a good fit for me.
But I am loving this break. And this vacation is such a departure from the ones we usually take that it is pure delight.
We are sitting in the sun, reading our books. Zipping around the lake on the seadoo wind blowing in our hair. Paddling in the paddle boat with my little girl. Slicing through the water, feeling the cool refreshment lapping around our skin like gentle caresses. I don't have to think AT ALL about meals, or laundry or the packing and unpacking everything from linens, to food, to clothing, to medicines, etc., etc., etc.... We brought only clothes and swimsuits, just what we need to play in and we are fun, fun, fun.
I learned on day one that attitude is everything...the weather started out a bit iffy...but with gratefulness in mind and a determination to enjoy my holiday, it was like the attitude translated into the weather and everything became the loveliness I had wished for.
So, sometimes happiness just is...everything is the way we dreamed it would be.
I know that there will be storms ahead, that perfection is really just a myth, but for today, I am enjoying the bliss of now...and I am very...happy.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Happiness Project - What happened today...
I was planning on writing about another stair on the rung of my happiness ladder, but something has happened today. So, I am going to tell you about it and what I learned from it.
This morning I was in bed, the fog of sleep surrounding me, the light gently pouring in through the blinds, I was just barely on the cusp of wakefulness when I heard the phone ringing. It was still early, but there was an urgency in me when I heard the ring. I jumped out of bed ran down the stairs to grab the phone before it stopped. I got it.
On the phone his voice thick with gruffness was my son. He was calling from the hospital he said. He had been jumped and beaten up and had been in the hospital all night. Could I pick him up??? He was in the Oshawa Hospital. I tried to question him, did he know where exactly he was in the hospital so I would know where to get him? He didn't know, or seem to be clear at all, muffled curses streamed from his mouth. I said of course I would come. I was strangely calm.
I ran upstairs to quickly dress and wake up hubby to tell him I was going to the hospital. I also called some of my friends, for support and for their prayers.
I went to the hospital. They didn't have any record of him being there. They checked two more hospitals in the area, no one by my son's name. No John Doe's of his age or description. A coldness gripped my heart. I fought back the panic.
I went outside to make some calls on my cell. I called hubby, asked him to call the Scarborough hospitals. I called my son's girlfriend's house where he is presently staying. I am on their not favorite list now, so they did not pick up - but I left a message relaying the situation and desperately begging them to call me back it they had any information at all. A minute or so later his girlfriend's mother called me. She said they had had a message from my ex-husband that my son was in Toronto Western Hospital, I thanked her and called my hubby to call them and confirm that that was indeed where he was. And he was there. Not too long after that my son called, wondering where I was...I think he must have been concussed and confused when he called me the first time. I assured him I would come and get him.
I called my girlfriend and made arrangements for our daughter. I didn't know what condition our son would be in and didn't want her to be upset any more than she already would be knowing that he had been hurt. Thank God for my friends.
Hubby would come with me downtown, to drive in what is such unfamiliar territory and for moral support now that we had our daughter taken care of.
Another call from my son. It was taking a lot of time for us to get there and he is impatient. But you see they had closed down the express lanes and we had to detour south and pick up the Don Valley Parkway from another route.
He told me what had happened...he had gone to a club, left the club, more than rather worse for the wear. Taken a cab but realized that he did not have enough money, so the cabby made him get out of the cab. Being more than a little intoxicated he didn't see it coming - he was grabbed thrown done on the sidewalk, kicked in the face and robbed. He remembers little of that, only waking up people around him, he doesn't remember how he got to the hospital. I listen murmuring sounds of muted horror. I hate this. This is not the first time he has been beaten up. I am locked in a tunnel of calm, maybe even shock. Soon enough, we turn the corner and with him still on the phone, I tell him we are there. Hubby waits in front of the hospital, I get out and look for him. I see him and call his name. He comes towards me. His lips are badly swollen and cut, his nose is broken and bruised. We walk together to the van quietly talking.
He is safe. He is in one piece. He is alive. For this I am thankful. For this I am glad.
He makes light of the situation. "I'm only young once," he says. But at what cost is he expending this youth? This time rich with opportunity, with gifts of personality, strength of will, determination. All, I think, wasted. All his choices. For this I grieve; intensely and completely. Canyon deep, ocean wide....nothing contains this sorrow.
And yet I am able to step back. Play Pollyanna's game. I am glad that he is once again, safe, another narrow miss I think, but still it could have been much, much worse. I am glad that he has the gift of another day, another chance. I am glad we had some time together, in the van, he from the backseat, reaching over and occasionally rubbing my head, seeing that I am upset and trying to comfort me. I reaching back and patting him, reassuring him of my love. I am glad that he called me, that we connected.
I am deeply tired and sad. Yet what I have learned is that the pain we feel when we are hit by hard times is part of the happiness as a whole. We watch the suffering of those we love, whether by their own foolishness, or by life's cruel strokes, and we enter into their pain. It becomes our own. Yet we know that we cannot let the pain swallow us. If we do we too are
lost adrift on the sea. Rudderless, with no purpose. Yet purpose surely exists. There is tomorrow. A fresh new day. Full of wonders. Full of sunshine, and yes, full of storms.
I breathe in fully. My life is a gift. God-given. Each moment counted in tears and in laughter. I lift my voice in gratitude. I am here and tomorrow brings new mercies. I believe this with all of my heart. There are people to laugh with, people who willingly will also weep with me. There are people to love. Barriers to be broken down. Prayers waiting breathlessly to be answered.
There is most of all - hope.
And hope opens the door to happiness.
This morning I was in bed, the fog of sleep surrounding me, the light gently pouring in through the blinds, I was just barely on the cusp of wakefulness when I heard the phone ringing. It was still early, but there was an urgency in me when I heard the ring. I jumped out of bed ran down the stairs to grab the phone before it stopped. I got it.
On the phone his voice thick with gruffness was my son. He was calling from the hospital he said. He had been jumped and beaten up and had been in the hospital all night. Could I pick him up??? He was in the Oshawa Hospital. I tried to question him, did he know where exactly he was in the hospital so I would know where to get him? He didn't know, or seem to be clear at all, muffled curses streamed from his mouth. I said of course I would come. I was strangely calm.
I ran upstairs to quickly dress and wake up hubby to tell him I was going to the hospital. I also called some of my friends, for support and for their prayers.
I went to the hospital. They didn't have any record of him being there. They checked two more hospitals in the area, no one by my son's name. No John Doe's of his age or description. A coldness gripped my heart. I fought back the panic.
I went outside to make some calls on my cell. I called hubby, asked him to call the Scarborough hospitals. I called my son's girlfriend's house where he is presently staying. I am on their not favorite list now, so they did not pick up - but I left a message relaying the situation and desperately begging them to call me back it they had any information at all. A minute or so later his girlfriend's mother called me. She said they had had a message from my ex-husband that my son was in Toronto Western Hospital, I thanked her and called my hubby to call them and confirm that that was indeed where he was. And he was there. Not too long after that my son called, wondering where I was...I think he must have been concussed and confused when he called me the first time. I assured him I would come and get him.
I called my girlfriend and made arrangements for our daughter. I didn't know what condition our son would be in and didn't want her to be upset any more than she already would be knowing that he had been hurt. Thank God for my friends.
Hubby would come with me downtown, to drive in what is such unfamiliar territory and for moral support now that we had our daughter taken care of.
Another call from my son. It was taking a lot of time for us to get there and he is impatient. But you see they had closed down the express lanes and we had to detour south and pick up the Don Valley Parkway from another route.
He told me what had happened...he had gone to a club, left the club, more than rather worse for the wear. Taken a cab but realized that he did not have enough money, so the cabby made him get out of the cab. Being more than a little intoxicated he didn't see it coming - he was grabbed thrown done on the sidewalk, kicked in the face and robbed. He remembers little of that, only waking up people around him, he doesn't remember how he got to the hospital. I listen murmuring sounds of muted horror. I hate this. This is not the first time he has been beaten up. I am locked in a tunnel of calm, maybe even shock. Soon enough, we turn the corner and with him still on the phone, I tell him we are there. Hubby waits in front of the hospital, I get out and look for him. I see him and call his name. He comes towards me. His lips are badly swollen and cut, his nose is broken and bruised. We walk together to the van quietly talking.
He is safe. He is in one piece. He is alive. For this I am thankful. For this I am glad.
He makes light of the situation. "I'm only young once," he says. But at what cost is he expending this youth? This time rich with opportunity, with gifts of personality, strength of will, determination. All, I think, wasted. All his choices. For this I grieve; intensely and completely. Canyon deep, ocean wide....nothing contains this sorrow.
And yet I am able to step back. Play Pollyanna's game. I am glad that he is once again, safe, another narrow miss I think, but still it could have been much, much worse. I am glad that he has the gift of another day, another chance. I am glad we had some time together, in the van, he from the backseat, reaching over and occasionally rubbing my head, seeing that I am upset and trying to comfort me. I reaching back and patting him, reassuring him of my love. I am glad that he called me, that we connected.
I am deeply tired and sad. Yet what I have learned is that the pain we feel when we are hit by hard times is part of the happiness as a whole. We watch the suffering of those we love, whether by their own foolishness, or by life's cruel strokes, and we enter into their pain. It becomes our own. Yet we know that we cannot let the pain swallow us. If we do we too are
lost adrift on the sea. Rudderless, with no purpose. Yet purpose surely exists. There is tomorrow. A fresh new day. Full of wonders. Full of sunshine, and yes, full of storms.
I breathe in fully. My life is a gift. God-given. Each moment counted in tears and in laughter. I lift my voice in gratitude. I am here and tomorrow brings new mercies. I believe this with all of my heart. There are people to laugh with, people who willingly will also weep with me. There are people to love. Barriers to be broken down. Prayers waiting breathlessly to be answered.
There is most of all - hope.
And hope opens the door to happiness.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
My Happiness Project -Sunday report - Pollyanna and me...
This week I experimented with gratefulness.
Each day I searched through my mind and the events of the day and worked on coming up with 5 things to be grateful/thankful for.
It was an exercise that taught me something. You can find things to be grateful for even if you've had a rotten day. It all depends on your focus.
Really, it was much like the renowned Pollyanna's glad game. Pollyanna is of course, the fictional character from Eleanor H. Porter's books. She is the child of missionaries who had been taught by her father to play the Glad Game, in which one goes about "finding something to be glad about in every situation." He had started the game with her when in a missionary barrel all that there was for her was a pair of crutches. There were no toys, no dolls, yet her father instructed her to "be glad" that she didn't need the crutches and so turned the potentially sad turn of events into something positive. This became a lifelong lesson that Pollyanna practiced and also taught those around her the value of looking for the proverbial "silver lining in every cloud."
Pollyanna has been mocked by many...but really, her outlook is a gift we all could use. It doesn't mean ignoring or denying the negative or awful things in our lives, it simply is resetting our focus and finding the good that can be found if we will indeed look for it. As Pollyanna's author said, "When you look for the bad in mankind (or in your life/or your situation- my words ) expecting to find it, you surely will!"
Will you be a bee or a vulture? Bees buzz around looking for the beautiful flowers, getting the pollen to carry so more beauty can be spread. Vultures fly around, circling in the air looking for the death and decay. Both the bee and the vulture find what they are looking for. So it is with me...it's all in my perspective.
What will I choose?
I think from this week's experiment with gratitude, I'll keep up with my own version of Pollyanna's glad game. I will choose to look for the things I can be grateful for...
It follows then, that I will be, well, happier.
Calling all Pollyanna's...
Join me.
Each day I searched through my mind and the events of the day and worked on coming up with 5 things to be grateful/thankful for.
It was an exercise that taught me something. You can find things to be grateful for even if you've had a rotten day. It all depends on your focus.
Really, it was much like the renowned Pollyanna's glad game. Pollyanna is of course, the fictional character from Eleanor H. Porter's books. She is the child of missionaries who had been taught by her father to play the Glad Game, in which one goes about "finding something to be glad about in every situation." He had started the game with her when in a missionary barrel all that there was for her was a pair of crutches. There were no toys, no dolls, yet her father instructed her to "be glad" that she didn't need the crutches and so turned the potentially sad turn of events into something positive. This became a lifelong lesson that Pollyanna practiced and also taught those around her the value of looking for the proverbial "silver lining in every cloud."
Pollyanna has been mocked by many...but really, her outlook is a gift we all could use. It doesn't mean ignoring or denying the negative or awful things in our lives, it simply is resetting our focus and finding the good that can be found if we will indeed look for it. As Pollyanna's author said, "When you look for the bad in mankind (or in your life/or your situation- my words ) expecting to find it, you surely will!"
Will you be a bee or a vulture? Bees buzz around looking for the beautiful flowers, getting the pollen to carry so more beauty can be spread. Vultures fly around, circling in the air looking for the death and decay. Both the bee and the vulture find what they are looking for. So it is with me...it's all in my perspective.
What will I choose?
I think from this week's experiment with gratitude, I'll keep up with my own version of Pollyanna's glad game. I will choose to look for the things I can be grateful for...
It follows then, that I will be, well, happier.
Calling all Pollyanna's...
Join me.
Yesterday's Thankful list
1) O.K. you can never be too thankful for more beautiful days!!! Sunshine - ah, you gotta love it...and it's warm too...personally, I'm less fond of cold bright days...
2) Visit with MIL who then babysat for us.
3) A date with my hubby!!! Out to a movie, Knight and Day, great movie btw, then out for a bite to Mr. Greek.
4) For my husband who actually initiated this date!!!
5) Sitting out on the deck with hubby just chatting and drinking tea in the morning.
2) Visit with MIL who then babysat for us.
3) A date with my hubby!!! Out to a movie, Knight and Day, great movie btw, then out for a bite to Mr. Greek.
4) For my husband who actually initiated this date!!!
5) Sitting out on the deck with hubby just chatting and drinking tea in the morning.
Friday, July 2, 2010
What I'm thankful for today...
1) Another glorious day, filled with sunshine, warmth and good times.
2) A refreshing, invigorating swim, splashing and playing in the water with my hubby, daughter and her friend.
3) My friend's generosity in allowing us to swim in their pool, which is in a beautiful backyard, full of mature trees, flowers of many variety and color. Lovely!
4) Homemade shortcake with fresh Ontario strawberries, loaded with whipped cream...oh yeah...yumilious...(I do enjoy baking and eating too!!! ;) ).
5) Watching the inspiring movie Invictus...go, rent it, it's thought provoking and it's real life...wow...
2) A refreshing, invigorating swim, splashing and playing in the water with my hubby, daughter and her friend.
3) My friend's generosity in allowing us to swim in their pool, which is in a beautiful backyard, full of mature trees, flowers of many variety and color. Lovely!
4) Homemade shortcake with fresh Ontario strawberries, loaded with whipped cream...oh yeah...yumilious...(I do enjoy baking and eating too!!! ;) ).
5) Watching the inspiring movie Invictus...go, rent it, it's thought provoking and it's real life...wow...
Symbols for My Life
A few days ago Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project sent an e-mail to subscribers and asked about symbols. Apparently, Buddists have 9 symbols and Gretchen decided she would come up with her own. She asked us what symbols we would choose for our lives.
I was intrigued by this question and turned the thought over and over in mind. Here are the symbols I thought of for my life -
1) Books - they represent imagination, learning, pleasure and delight.
2) Teddy bears - for me, they are connotative of comfort, gentleness and affection.
3) Water - it is life-giving, renewing, energizing and refreshing.
4) Roots - home, steadfastness, nourishment, stability and security.
5) Triangle - deep connections with - God, my family, and my friends.
6) Pen - flow of creativity, an expression of life.
7) Trees - flexibility, withstand most of the time the winds of life, bend but usually do not break, strength as they grow.
8) Doors - opportunities, options, alternatives, can open up or close out.
9) The Book (Bible) - beliefs, an anchor, a test to measure life.
If you had to pick some symbols for your life what would they be???
I was intrigued by this question and turned the thought over and over in mind. Here are the symbols I thought of for my life -
1) Books - they represent imagination, learning, pleasure and delight.
2) Teddy bears - for me, they are connotative of comfort, gentleness and affection.
3) Water - it is life-giving, renewing, energizing and refreshing.
4) Roots - home, steadfastness, nourishment, stability and security.
5) Triangle - deep connections with - God, my family, and my friends.
6) Pen - flow of creativity, an expression of life.
7) Trees - flexibility, withstand most of the time the winds of life, bend but usually do not break, strength as they grow.
8) Doors - opportunities, options, alternatives, can open up or close out.
9) The Book (Bible) - beliefs, an anchor, a test to measure life.
If you had to pick some symbols for your life what would they be???
Canada Day -Yesterday
Yesterday was Canada Day.
A day to celebrate our country, our freedom, the beauty that surrounds us.
1) I'm thankful to live in Canada, to be able to express myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs without fear of reprisal.
2) I'm thankful for friends to celebrate with, to enjoy great food, good conversation, and the warmth of laughter and connection.
3) I'm thankful for parties! The get togethers. The fun shared and multiplied. This may seem the same as number two, but maybe I'm just doubly thankful...
4) I enjoyed the fireworks, sitting in the park surrounded by my hubby, little girl, her little friend and our friends; watching the cascades of colors like waterfalls from the skies, the music reverberating as the colors explode around us.
5) Finally, I'm thankful for the rest that comes when I get home full of a day rich with flavours of every kind, climb into to bed, curl up and float away in my dreams.
A day to celebrate our country, our freedom, the beauty that surrounds us.
1) I'm thankful to live in Canada, to be able to express myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs without fear of reprisal.
2) I'm thankful for friends to celebrate with, to enjoy great food, good conversation, and the warmth of laughter and connection.
3) I'm thankful for parties! The get togethers. The fun shared and multiplied. This may seem the same as number two, but maybe I'm just doubly thankful...
4) I enjoyed the fireworks, sitting in the park surrounded by my hubby, little girl, her little friend and our friends; watching the cascades of colors like waterfalls from the skies, the music reverberating as the colors explode around us.
5) Finally, I'm thankful for the rest that comes when I get home full of a day rich with flavours of every kind, climb into to bed, curl up and float away in my dreams.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Today's List
1) I enjoyed the first day of summer holidays with my daughter.
2) I am feeling better today.
3) I'm thankful for our jaunt to the library to prowl through the stacks and bring home new books/treasures to discover.
4) I enjoyed reading one of my library books and made some popcorn to munch on while reading.
5) I am thankful for a quiet evening.
6) I enjoyed my relaxing yoga workout this evening.
2) I am feeling better today.
3) I'm thankful for our jaunt to the library to prowl through the stacks and bring home new books/treasures to discover.
4) I enjoyed reading one of my library books and made some popcorn to munch on while reading.
5) I am thankful for a quiet evening.
6) I enjoyed my relaxing yoga workout this evening.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I'm Thankful
1) I'm thankful for a beautiful day, sun shining, blue skies.
2) I'm grateful for a comfortable bed to rest on while I'm in the throes of a nasty headache.
3) I'm thankful for people who care about how I'm feeling today.
4) I'm grateful for ice-packs to put on my throbbing temples.
5) I'm thankful that tomorrow is another day, one that I'm hoping will be pain free.
2) I'm grateful for a comfortable bed to rest on while I'm in the throes of a nasty headache.
3) I'm thankful for people who care about how I'm feeling today.
4) I'm grateful for ice-packs to put on my throbbing temples.
5) I'm thankful that tomorrow is another day, one that I'm hoping will be pain free.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Gratitude Week...or finding 5 things to be thankful for...
As a part of my happiness project each day for the next week I will post things 5 things I am grateful or thankful for that happened that day...
So - today's list -
1)I am grateful that even though I felt really unwell and yucky today, I still did 5 miles, my yoga, three loads of laundry and made dinner!
2) I am thankful that my husband bought the gift cards for the teachers as I was unable to get out of the house...thanks, my love!
3) My daughter got over her extreme (and we're talking crying, hysteria and weeping, wailing and moaning) nerves and was able to perform part of her tap dance in her class. Way to go sweet girl!
4) I am thankful for flushing toilets on each floor of the house..."nuff said."
5) I am so grateful for a wonderful, and long overdue conversation with a very dear friend!
So - today's list -
1)I am grateful that even though I felt really unwell and yucky today, I still did 5 miles, my yoga, three loads of laundry and made dinner!
2) I am thankful that my husband bought the gift cards for the teachers as I was unable to get out of the house...thanks, my love!
3) My daughter got over her extreme (and we're talking crying, hysteria and weeping, wailing and moaning) nerves and was able to perform part of her tap dance in her class. Way to go sweet girl!
4) I am thankful for flushing toilets on each floor of the house..."nuff said."
5) I am so grateful for a wonderful, and long overdue conversation with a very dear friend!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Happiness Project...
I love the feeling of accomplishment, it makes me feel happy.
So, all my life I've known the importance of exercise...it's good for your body, good for your soul, good for your spirit.
It activates the endorphins in your brain. It's that feel good chemical that gets fired up when you crank up the work-out.
Why then, didn't I do it??? The optimism of youth? Laziness? Couldn't care less? Lack of discipline? Probably, at different times, all or any of the above...but now I've aged...oooh scary thought.
My dearest Dad died of heart disease. My brother had a heart attack at the age of 48. There is heart disease in aunts and uncles of mine. However, none of this had ever made a difference.
I would exercise every now and then, very sporadicly, go like crazy and then give up. But over the past few months I've been watching my friends. One of them works full-time outside of the home, she gets up at 5 a.m. to exercise before she goes to work! For some reason, after talking to her, something kicked in, I was suddenly motivated. Another friend, a stay at homer like myself has been consistently exercising for a couple of years, and this too, motivated me.
Gretchen Rubin, in her Manifesto of Happiness says that "the body matters." I think this is true. As women, we are particularly prone to self-criticism when it come to our physical bodies. Our culture as a whole is brutally cruel. We are constantly bombarded with female "perfection," and Hollywood gives us glaring examples of how that perfectionism is portrayed. We see fake boobs, faces lifted almost beyond recognition, bodies thin and often emaciated. Magazine covers boast beautiful faces, no wrinkles or lines, perfect skin, perfect hair. It's tough to be a woman.
And then, there are women like you and me. We are not perfect. We see our lines and our imperfections. We struggle with weight issues, or whether what we have is "big" enough or "small" enough. The funny thing is history tells us different stories, there was a time when thin was not "in." Even today, in some countries, generous, full figures are the "it" shapes.
So, I think that happiness comes when we, finally, accept the body we're in, when we come to fully appreciate our individual uniqueness. When the glow we have comes from the beauty that shines within through all our seeming imperfections.
In that acceptance, also comes the recognition that my body is a gift. In it I live and move and have my being. My body also houses my spirit, it is the eternal part of me; through it I love my family, work at the things I love, affect change in and around my world. In caring for my body, I care for myself, for my family, for my world.
I think perhaps, that this (along with watching my friends) is what pushed me to begin to exercise and to become consistent doing it. I want to be here, for my family, for my children, my friends. I want to be healthier, to feel fully alive. I want to rid myself of the blues that sometimes hang over me like a dark, threatening cloud. I want to have energy, verve and joy in everyday living. I think I can do this better when I am fit.
So, as of July 1, I will have been exercising for a full 6 months, at least 4-6 times a week! This is an enormous accomplishment. I feel much better, I enjoy (most days) getting up, putting on that work-out garb and doing my thing.
Revel in your body, rejoice in it, exercise it, move it; get up, walk, jump, hop, dance, skip. Be happy.
This is your life, lived in your body; live it to the fullest!
So, all my life I've known the importance of exercise...it's good for your body, good for your soul, good for your spirit.
It activates the endorphins in your brain. It's that feel good chemical that gets fired up when you crank up the work-out.
Why then, didn't I do it??? The optimism of youth? Laziness? Couldn't care less? Lack of discipline? Probably, at different times, all or any of the above...but now I've aged...oooh scary thought.
My dearest Dad died of heart disease. My brother had a heart attack at the age of 48. There is heart disease in aunts and uncles of mine. However, none of this had ever made a difference.
I would exercise every now and then, very sporadicly, go like crazy and then give up. But over the past few months I've been watching my friends. One of them works full-time outside of the home, she gets up at 5 a.m. to exercise before she goes to work! For some reason, after talking to her, something kicked in, I was suddenly motivated. Another friend, a stay at homer like myself has been consistently exercising for a couple of years, and this too, motivated me.
Gretchen Rubin, in her Manifesto of Happiness says that "the body matters." I think this is true. As women, we are particularly prone to self-criticism when it come to our physical bodies. Our culture as a whole is brutally cruel. We are constantly bombarded with female "perfection," and Hollywood gives us glaring examples of how that perfectionism is portrayed. We see fake boobs, faces lifted almost beyond recognition, bodies thin and often emaciated. Magazine covers boast beautiful faces, no wrinkles or lines, perfect skin, perfect hair. It's tough to be a woman.
And then, there are women like you and me. We are not perfect. We see our lines and our imperfections. We struggle with weight issues, or whether what we have is "big" enough or "small" enough. The funny thing is history tells us different stories, there was a time when thin was not "in." Even today, in some countries, generous, full figures are the "it" shapes.
So, I think that happiness comes when we, finally, accept the body we're in, when we come to fully appreciate our individual uniqueness. When the glow we have comes from the beauty that shines within through all our seeming imperfections.
In that acceptance, also comes the recognition that my body is a gift. In it I live and move and have my being. My body also houses my spirit, it is the eternal part of me; through it I love my family, work at the things I love, affect change in and around my world. In caring for my body, I care for myself, for my family, for my world.
I think perhaps, that this (along with watching my friends) is what pushed me to begin to exercise and to become consistent doing it. I want to be here, for my family, for my children, my friends. I want to be healthier, to feel fully alive. I want to rid myself of the blues that sometimes hang over me like a dark, threatening cloud. I want to have energy, verve and joy in everyday living. I think I can do this better when I am fit.
So, as of July 1, I will have been exercising for a full 6 months, at least 4-6 times a week! This is an enormous accomplishment. I feel much better, I enjoy (most days) getting up, putting on that work-out garb and doing my thing.
Revel in your body, rejoice in it, exercise it, move it; get up, walk, jump, hop, dance, skip. Be happy.
This is your life, lived in your body; live it to the fullest!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Fame
Yesterday, I took my iced coffee out onto the deck to sit with hubby.
In a hushed voice he told me that two doors down our neighbor who happens to be a drummer was being filmed/interviewed in his backyard.
Like a curious voyeur I peeked over our BBQ and peered through the curtain of our flowered hanging baskets. I called our daughter out and she too spied on our neighbor, watching the process with delight. She struck a pose in case somehow she would get in the picture and be on T.V. We laughed with her, smiling at her antics.
From time to time we would stand up and look over and report to one another about what was going on. We watched our famous neighbor kicking back in his chair, gesticulating, imitating drumming motions, then talking with his hands.
It's hard to decipher what fame has given him other than notoriety. His marriage has ended in divorce and his son is rather wild right now. But that could be any of us and often is.
Upon reflection I decided my life is good even with its attending heartaches. I have no need for fame. I've suffered the same blows as my neighbor, first marriage ending in divorce, a son on the wild side.
That's it I think - there are the common realities that we all experience regardless of who we are. I want to be satisfied with my life, even happy. If I constantly compare myself to "the Jones", I only end up with a nagging dissatisfaction or a raging greed to better my circumstances, so there is no contentment. And contentment, I think is a good thing, whoever, and wherever I am.
In a hushed voice he told me that two doors down our neighbor who happens to be a drummer was being filmed/interviewed in his backyard.
Like a curious voyeur I peeked over our BBQ and peered through the curtain of our flowered hanging baskets. I called our daughter out and she too spied on our neighbor, watching the process with delight. She struck a pose in case somehow she would get in the picture and be on T.V. We laughed with her, smiling at her antics.
From time to time we would stand up and look over and report to one another about what was going on. We watched our famous neighbor kicking back in his chair, gesticulating, imitating drumming motions, then talking with his hands.
It's hard to decipher what fame has given him other than notoriety. His marriage has ended in divorce and his son is rather wild right now. But that could be any of us and often is.
Upon reflection I decided my life is good even with its attending heartaches. I have no need for fame. I've suffered the same blows as my neighbor, first marriage ending in divorce, a son on the wild side.
That's it I think - there are the common realities that we all experience regardless of who we are. I want to be satisfied with my life, even happy. If I constantly compare myself to "the Jones", I only end up with a nagging dissatisfaction or a raging greed to better my circumstances, so there is no contentment. And contentment, I think is a good thing, whoever, and wherever I am.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
20/20 My Happiness Project
This past week I lost my voice (I contracted laryngitis) and it was a thought-provoking experience. Usually, when I am not speaking to someone, it is, I'm sad to say because I am angry, or ticked off. Or perhaps I've been hurt by someone so I retreat into a cave of silence, build walls of distance as thick as concrete and as seemingly impenetrable.
But this forced quiet brought me a curious sense of peace. It taught me the value of quietude.
I was happy, reflective.
I could not engage in any conflict that took place between my husband and daughter. I had to remain an observer, somewhat detached from the intense emotion of the moment, the energy pulsating around me did not draw me in.
Certainly, I missed the laughter, the joking, the day to day discourse normally shared with my family. I missed talking with my friends. I found I had to "save up," like money collecting in the bank, the things that I wanted to pass on or the events that had happened.
But the quiet gave me the time to let my thoughts come together with clarity, to sort through issues that had been been pressing in on me. Piling my thoughts like laundry, separating the dark, somber thoughts from the contrasting white ones, loading the gentle softer colors into different baskets, giving each thought a context, a place. This is the gift of quiet.
My sister-in-law once gave me a framed picture of a photograph that she had taken. It is of a treed path, sunshine casting lights on that path as it goes into the distance. It is tranquil, inviting, and filled with mystery. Perhaps, you hear the song-bird, or the trees rustling in the wind. You feel the cool of the covered path and the warmth caressing you as you walk through the rays of sunshine. This is happiness of quiet.
Then there is the quiet happiness of being. Together. Sitting together reading, engrossed in a good book, the spider web of words weaving tales of history, intrigue, tragedy, love, mystery or romance. Being outside on our deck side by side drinking a homemade iced coffee; soaking up the sights, sounds and smells of our neighborhood. Watching the creamy clouds skittering across the blues of the skies. Hearing the trees in wind, seeing them swaying gently to a music all of their own. Inhaling the sweet fragrance of our lilac trees. Listening to lawns being mowed, fresh smells the grass newly cut. Curling up in our family room, watching old movies or old TV series that we've collected, laughing or crying or being caught up in the stories being told. Eating popcorn, richly buttered, warm and lightly salted, these are moments of quiet happiness indeed.
The happiness of quiet is in the dark velvet blanket of the sky with glittering, twinkling stars. It is knowing in the quietness that there is surely Someone bigger than me, that the Heavens though sometimes also silent, have answers and that the questions that are constellations of doubt will one day be swept away by the look of absolute Love.
In quietness we learn to listen, really listen. We learn to hear what isn't being said.
I am enthralled by all I have to learn, to discover...it makes me, happy.
Shhh....listen with me to all that the quiet has to teach us about happiness.
But this forced quiet brought me a curious sense of peace. It taught me the value of quietude.
I was happy, reflective.
I could not engage in any conflict that took place between my husband and daughter. I had to remain an observer, somewhat detached from the intense emotion of the moment, the energy pulsating around me did not draw me in.
Certainly, I missed the laughter, the joking, the day to day discourse normally shared with my family. I missed talking with my friends. I found I had to "save up," like money collecting in the bank, the things that I wanted to pass on or the events that had happened.
But the quiet gave me the time to let my thoughts come together with clarity, to sort through issues that had been been pressing in on me. Piling my thoughts like laundry, separating the dark, somber thoughts from the contrasting white ones, loading the gentle softer colors into different baskets, giving each thought a context, a place. This is the gift of quiet.
My sister-in-law once gave me a framed picture of a photograph that she had taken. It is of a treed path, sunshine casting lights on that path as it goes into the distance. It is tranquil, inviting, and filled with mystery. Perhaps, you hear the song-bird, or the trees rustling in the wind. You feel the cool of the covered path and the warmth caressing you as you walk through the rays of sunshine. This is happiness of quiet.
Then there is the quiet happiness of being. Together. Sitting together reading, engrossed in a good book, the spider web of words weaving tales of history, intrigue, tragedy, love, mystery or romance. Being outside on our deck side by side drinking a homemade iced coffee; soaking up the sights, sounds and smells of our neighborhood. Watching the creamy clouds skittering across the blues of the skies. Hearing the trees in wind, seeing them swaying gently to a music all of their own. Inhaling the sweet fragrance of our lilac trees. Listening to lawns being mowed, fresh smells the grass newly cut. Curling up in our family room, watching old movies or old TV series that we've collected, laughing or crying or being caught up in the stories being told. Eating popcorn, richly buttered, warm and lightly salted, these are moments of quiet happiness indeed.
The happiness of quiet is in the dark velvet blanket of the sky with glittering, twinkling stars. It is knowing in the quietness that there is surely Someone bigger than me, that the Heavens though sometimes also silent, have answers and that the questions that are constellations of doubt will one day be swept away by the look of absolute Love.
In quietness we learn to listen, really listen. We learn to hear what isn't being said.
I am enthralled by all I have to learn, to discover...it makes me, happy.
Shhh....listen with me to all that the quiet has to teach us about happiness.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sunday - My Happiness Project
I went downtown this past Monday, a trip to Yorkville with my girlfriend. This adventure made me, by the way, happy...
As we were meandering through the shops we saw all manner of fun "stuff" and in a paper store we found cocktail napkins with sayings that made us giggle and guffaw. I found one napkin set and exclaimed to my friend "Look at this, have you got paper?, a pen???? I have to write this down for my blog on happiness." The cocktail napkin quoted Ben Franklin as saying "Wine is proof God loves us and want us to be happy." Well, I hooted over that one!
Happiness that day was drunk with the wine of the sunshine, of the conversation, of the laughter, and even of the serious moments, of the deep connection with my very dear friend.
It was a good day, a day to be remembered, and treasured. A day of happiness to packed in my trunk of memories to be brought out and reveled over on a darker day.
As I sit here mulling this over, I am thinking that perhaps that is part of the secret of happiness. Perhaps, happiness is a beautiful necklace, stored in a box of some kind, that has been beaded one by one with beautiful jewels, exquisite jewels, placed ever so lovingly on the necklace of my life, to brought out and enjoyed.
The pearls of happiness strung on my necklace have come from irritating, seemingly unending circumstances that I had thought I could not bear, but upon retrospect have brought the happiness of knowing that I am perhaps a wiser and gentler person because of those very irritations.
The diamonds of happiness on my necklace are the perplexing, crushing loads that have brought me great and deep despair, but yet have yielded I hope, the sparkle of compassion and kindness to others.
The aquamarines on my necklace blue with the delight of happiness I feel when I swimming, splashing, and laughing with the ones I love. The feeling of rolling over onto my back and gazing into the magnificent azure of the sky dotted with fluffy clouds imitating anything your imagination can conjure up.
The green of emeralds. Solid, enduring, life-giving friendships. Each one unique, and precious; some come and gone, some grown stronger, forged through immense pain and great euphoria never to fade as a distant memory.
The incredible deep blue of sapphires. My tears, rivers, oceans of them...wept for myself, my children, my family, my friends, and the world. Didn't a great Book once say that those that sow in tears will reap in joy! Tears are jewels of both our sorrow and our happiness embedded into our very beings.
The murky quiet beauty of an opal. White with glints of pink and blue almost pearl-like but more colorful than that. The opal is the mystery in my life, the not knowing, the whys, and the hard, granite questions. The glints of color, the pinks and the blues and the zig-zag of gold weaving patterns through the opal - is the happiness of knowing that I don't really, really have to know the whys and wherefores after all, and that I can live with happiness in the midst of mysteries. I may not always like the mystery, but I can be happy nevertheless.
The ruby, blood red and brilliant.
Family. My heart and soul are poured into these so very dear to me. They bring me the most spectacular happiness and the most devastating grief. This is a jewel I would never be without, no matter what the attending sorrow. The joys, the connections, the bonds; these have stretched over time, distance and circumstance of every kind. Almost wordless are the feelings I have for my family. In my family I find love, deep and strong. In my family I find meaning, laughter, and pure joy. There are at times fierce anger and moments of conflict so quake-deep it seems beyond repair, yet repair it does. This jewel glitters on my necklace most brightly I think.
So I think I'll end here...hang this necklace on my neck, not tuck it away....remind myself of all the jewels of happiness that I have.
I am a rich woman.
What about you?
As we were meandering through the shops we saw all manner of fun "stuff" and in a paper store we found cocktail napkins with sayings that made us giggle and guffaw. I found one napkin set and exclaimed to my friend "Look at this, have you got paper?, a pen???? I have to write this down for my blog on happiness." The cocktail napkin quoted Ben Franklin as saying "Wine is proof God loves us and want us to be happy." Well, I hooted over that one!
Happiness that day was drunk with the wine of the sunshine, of the conversation, of the laughter, and even of the serious moments, of the deep connection with my very dear friend.
It was a good day, a day to be remembered, and treasured. A day of happiness to packed in my trunk of memories to be brought out and reveled over on a darker day.
As I sit here mulling this over, I am thinking that perhaps that is part of the secret of happiness. Perhaps, happiness is a beautiful necklace, stored in a box of some kind, that has been beaded one by one with beautiful jewels, exquisite jewels, placed ever so lovingly on the necklace of my life, to brought out and enjoyed.
The pearls of happiness strung on my necklace have come from irritating, seemingly unending circumstances that I had thought I could not bear, but upon retrospect have brought the happiness of knowing that I am perhaps a wiser and gentler person because of those very irritations.
The diamonds of happiness on my necklace are the perplexing, crushing loads that have brought me great and deep despair, but yet have yielded I hope, the sparkle of compassion and kindness to others.
The aquamarines on my necklace blue with the delight of happiness I feel when I swimming, splashing, and laughing with the ones I love. The feeling of rolling over onto my back and gazing into the magnificent azure of the sky dotted with fluffy clouds imitating anything your imagination can conjure up.
The green of emeralds. Solid, enduring, life-giving friendships. Each one unique, and precious; some come and gone, some grown stronger, forged through immense pain and great euphoria never to fade as a distant memory.
The incredible deep blue of sapphires. My tears, rivers, oceans of them...wept for myself, my children, my family, my friends, and the world. Didn't a great Book once say that those that sow in tears will reap in joy! Tears are jewels of both our sorrow and our happiness embedded into our very beings.
The murky quiet beauty of an opal. White with glints of pink and blue almost pearl-like but more colorful than that. The opal is the mystery in my life, the not knowing, the whys, and the hard, granite questions. The glints of color, the pinks and the blues and the zig-zag of gold weaving patterns through the opal - is the happiness of knowing that I don't really, really have to know the whys and wherefores after all, and that I can live with happiness in the midst of mysteries. I may not always like the mystery, but I can be happy nevertheless.
The ruby, blood red and brilliant.
Family. My heart and soul are poured into these so very dear to me. They bring me the most spectacular happiness and the most devastating grief. This is a jewel I would never be without, no matter what the attending sorrow. The joys, the connections, the bonds; these have stretched over time, distance and circumstance of every kind. Almost wordless are the feelings I have for my family. In my family I find love, deep and strong. In my family I find meaning, laughter, and pure joy. There are at times fierce anger and moments of conflict so quake-deep it seems beyond repair, yet repair it does. This jewel glitters on my necklace most brightly I think.
So I think I'll end here...hang this necklace on my neck, not tuck it away....remind myself of all the jewels of happiness that I have.
I am a rich woman.
What about you?
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Sunday Challenge for 20/20 - My Happiness Project
I am on a journey. A journey to happiness.
So, let the challenge begin!
Happiness can be mine...oh yes, it can...
But how to start???
Well, I did go out and purchase the book "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin as she is the one who got me thinking "happy" in the first place. And I have pondered and thought and pondered and thought some more.
To begin with, I will post a quote from Gretchen's "Happiness Toolbox" (found on her website), called the "Happiness Manifesto." These points will be things that I will be considering as I craft my days around the thoughts of happiness.
This week, I thought about my attitude, the way I see the world from day to day. I asked myself this question, "On what am I focusing my thoughts?" "Am I thinking happy thoughts, good thoughts, pleasant thoughts, uplifting thoughts...or is my FOCUS negative???"
I cannot and will not be in denial, pretend that everything is wonderful if it is not. I will not play that kind of game. However, it is in my power to shift my thoughts away from the things that bring me down. It is also in my power, to express those things (the sad, heart-rending, soul-bending things) so that I can be free to breathe in and to partake in the happiness that is there waiting for me to enjoy. Things of which I am often not even aware.
My beloved sister had sent me, years ago, some pages from a treasure, a little book called "Telling Secrets" by Frederich Buechner. He addresses this lack of awareness: "Consider...those dwarves in C.S. Lewis's The Last Battle. They are huddled togehter in what they think is a cramped, dark, stable where, like the dungeon of the Little Ease, there is hardly any room to move or breathe. The truth of it, you will remember, is that they are not in any such place at all. Instead they are in the midst of an endless green meadow where the sun is shining and the sky is blue. Aslan himself stands there offering them refreshments and freedom from their self-imprisonment, the great golden Lion who moves through Lewis's fairytale the way the fierce power of God moves through our world of Cowardly Lions - to be called "Dear heart" by whom is an everlasting blessing... But the dwarves see none of this. About all they can is is each other.
Now transform that scene. It is not Lewis's dwarves who are gathered together. It is people very much like you and me."
As Gretchen says, in her Manifesto - "you are not happy unless you think you are happy."
So this week, I gathered my wandering thoughts, as dogs nipping at the heels of horses running wild. I corralled those thoughts and turned them to happiness. I do not want to be one of those dwarves who cannot see the beauty right in front of them. And it made a difference, it really did... There were far more moments and far more hours where there was the light, delightful feeling of happiness. Because I thought I was happy I felt happy...
There are, still, of course, concerns and burdens. But in the midst of all that worries me, freaks me out, causes me to grieve deeply and completely, light is breaking through.
Let me share another quote by Buechner that has been so helpful...
"This...was a rule that I had no less devastatingly laid down for myself, and it was this: that I had no right to be happy unless the people I loved - especially my children - were happy too. I have come to believe that is not true. (Me here: this was a riveting insight and one that after years of having these pages sent to me I can finally begin to believe...) I believe instead that we all of us have not only the right to be happy no matter what but also a kind of scared commission to be happy - in the sense of being free to breathe and to move, in the sense of being able to bless our own lives, even the sad times of our own lives, because through all our times we can learn and grow, and through all our times, if we keep our ears open, God speaks to us his saving word....I have come to believe that to be happy inside ourselves - to be less and less as the years go by in the dungeon the the Little Ease and more and more in still chapel where beyond all understanding there is peace - is in the long run the the best we can do both for ourselves and for the people closet to us."
!!! Did you catch that last phrase!??!!
Being happy is a gift I give myself and I can give it to those I love.
So join me on this journey.
This journey of happiness.
So, let the challenge begin!
Happiness can be mine...oh yes, it can...
But how to start???
Well, I did go out and purchase the book "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin as she is the one who got me thinking "happy" in the first place. And I have pondered and thought and pondered and thought some more.
To begin with, I will post a quote from Gretchen's "Happiness Toolbox" (found on her website), called the "Happiness Manifesto." These points will be things that I will be considering as I craft my days around the thoughts of happiness.
"A Happiness Manifesto
- To be happy, you need to consider feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
- One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
- The days are long, but the years are short.
- You're not happy unless you think you're happy.
- Your body matters.
- Happiness is other people.
- Think about yourself so you can forget yourself.
- "It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light."—G. K. Chesterton
- What's fun for other people may not be fun for you, and vice versa.
- Best is good, better is best.
- Outer order contributes to inner calm.
- Happiness comes not from having more, not from having less, but from wanting what you have.
- You can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like to do.
- "There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy." —Robert Louis Stevenson
- You manage what you measure."
This week, I thought about my attitude, the way I see the world from day to day. I asked myself this question, "On what am I focusing my thoughts?" "Am I thinking happy thoughts, good thoughts, pleasant thoughts, uplifting thoughts...or is my FOCUS negative???"
I cannot and will not be in denial, pretend that everything is wonderful if it is not. I will not play that kind of game. However, it is in my power to shift my thoughts away from the things that bring me down. It is also in my power, to express those things (the sad, heart-rending, soul-bending things) so that I can be free to breathe in and to partake in the happiness that is there waiting for me to enjoy. Things of which I am often not even aware.
My beloved sister had sent me, years ago, some pages from a treasure, a little book called "Telling Secrets" by Frederich Buechner. He addresses this lack of awareness: "Consider...those dwarves in C.S. Lewis's The Last Battle. They are huddled togehter in what they think is a cramped, dark, stable where, like the dungeon of the Little Ease, there is hardly any room to move or breathe. The truth of it, you will remember, is that they are not in any such place at all. Instead they are in the midst of an endless green meadow where the sun is shining and the sky is blue. Aslan himself stands there offering them refreshments and freedom from their self-imprisonment, the great golden Lion who moves through Lewis's fairytale the way the fierce power of God moves through our world of Cowardly Lions - to be called "Dear heart" by whom is an everlasting blessing... But the dwarves see none of this. About all they can is is each other.
Now transform that scene. It is not Lewis's dwarves who are gathered together. It is people very much like you and me."
As Gretchen says, in her Manifesto - "you are not happy unless you think you are happy."
So this week, I gathered my wandering thoughts, as dogs nipping at the heels of horses running wild. I corralled those thoughts and turned them to happiness. I do not want to be one of those dwarves who cannot see the beauty right in front of them. And it made a difference, it really did... There were far more moments and far more hours where there was the light, delightful feeling of happiness. Because I thought I was happy I felt happy...
There are, still, of course, concerns and burdens. But in the midst of all that worries me, freaks me out, causes me to grieve deeply and completely, light is breaking through.
Let me share another quote by Buechner that has been so helpful...
"This...was a rule that I had no less devastatingly laid down for myself, and it was this: that I had no right to be happy unless the people I loved - especially my children - were happy too. I have come to believe that is not true. (Me here: this was a riveting insight and one that after years of having these pages sent to me I can finally begin to believe...) I believe instead that we all of us have not only the right to be happy no matter what but also a kind of scared commission to be happy - in the sense of being free to breathe and to move, in the sense of being able to bless our own lives, even the sad times of our own lives, because through all our times we can learn and grow, and through all our times, if we keep our ears open, God speaks to us his saving word....I have come to believe that to be happy inside ourselves - to be less and less as the years go by in the dungeon the the Little Ease and more and more in still chapel where beyond all understanding there is peace - is in the long run the the best we can do both for ourselves and for the people closet to us."
!!! Did you catch that last phrase!??!!
Being happy is a gift I give myself and I can give it to those I love.
So join me on this journey.
This journey of happiness.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Life is like a Bowl of Mangoes
Mangoes are juicy, sweet, rich and firm. You bite into them and immediately you are transported.
There is pleasure, delight, you can feel the warmth of the sun.
If you cut into one too soon though, it is sour, bitter; you want to spit it right out and never taste it again.
Life is like a bowl of mangoes, sometimes sweet and rich, sometimes bitter and sour.
But when it's good, it's good.
Just like life, good or bitter.
Just like mangoes.
There is pleasure, delight, you can feel the warmth of the sun.
If you cut into one too soon though, it is sour, bitter; you want to spit it right out and never taste it again.
Life is like a bowl of mangoes, sometimes sweet and rich, sometimes bitter and sour.
But when it's good, it's good.
Just like life, good or bitter.
Just like mangoes.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday Challenge for 20/20
My niece, blogger, Luna Pie decided to start her own project...20 weeks, loose 20 pounds...
So, she issued a invitation for fellow bloggers, friends, relatives etc. to join in some kind of challenge ourselves and she made several suggestions.
At first I though I would do 20 book recommendations. But on deeper reflection, I thought that for me, it would be the "easy" way out or in to the project... Reading is something I love to do and I've probably read thousands of books in my life time. So finding 20 more or even reporting on 20 that I loved while interesting didn't really offer me a significant challenge.
When I was out west visiting my sister in March she took me to her Book Club. They were discussing a book, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. In it she explores happiness, how to get it, how to keep it and so on. Having not read the book but intrigued by the subject I listened reflectively to the conversation swirling around me. I came to a rather shocking conclusion. At least it was shocking to me.
Happiness is not even something I have considered much in my life; not even as an option.
I am very familiar with the concepts of suffering and of joy. I grew up learning about and talking about suffering. I grew up learning about the concept of joy; not just everyday joy, but biblical joy.
I turned to my sister and said, "we weren't taught to be happy were we, or even that being happy is O.K.???" She agreed.
Now, don't get me wrong, my parents were, in my opinion, wonderful. Not perfect by any stretch of the imagination; but loving, thoughtful, genuinely caring people. And I do think that they liked us to be "happy." But the object of our lives, so I grew up believing both in church and at home was that holiness was more important than happiness. Holiness was being "like Jesus;" which is a great idea; but I don't think that a serious, unhappy Jesus is the Jesus that is the Jesus of the Bible.
Certainly, He suffered, immensely, greatly, incomparably. But I also think that He laughed, danced and enjoyed life. He made wine at a wedding for goodness sakes. And He had not just joy, but ordinary, everyday happiness.
I have certainly suffered in my life; physically, emotionally, mentally; all of it. I have had flashes of joy, laughter and delight.
But I wouldn't say I have been particularly happy, nor have I ever made it point to try to be happy.
Now I know that there are no guarantees in life. Suffering, can and does come, to all of us.
I have seen my dear friend's daughter contract leukemia at the age of 10 months and die at the age of three. My own sweet wee niece died when she was five years old, oh, the agony of the that. My beloved son, who was such a longed for, long awaited child and who is so very dearly loved, has veered of the straight path into a life lived largely to his own destruction. I've been divorced. Our darling daughter has numerous learning disabilities. Another so very much loved niece in her late twenties, is, courageously, bravely, fighting cancer. Sometimes, there is just too much pain.
But there is happiness too. And I mean to find it. Yes, to actually pursue it.
Not that I am a miserable person, I do so love to have fun and to laugh. But I am coming to believe that happiness can and should be something that I can and will look for.
So my 20/20 project, will be my own "happiness project." For 20 weeks I will look for and I will find 20 "somethings" that make me the everyday kind of happy.
It is a challenge that I can sink my teeth into, look forward to.
And that makes me feel, well, happy.
So, she issued a invitation for fellow bloggers, friends, relatives etc. to join in some kind of challenge ourselves and she made several suggestions.
At first I though I would do 20 book recommendations. But on deeper reflection, I thought that for me, it would be the "easy" way out or in to the project... Reading is something I love to do and I've probably read thousands of books in my life time. So finding 20 more or even reporting on 20 that I loved while interesting didn't really offer me a significant challenge.
When I was out west visiting my sister in March she took me to her Book Club. They were discussing a book, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. In it she explores happiness, how to get it, how to keep it and so on. Having not read the book but intrigued by the subject I listened reflectively to the conversation swirling around me. I came to a rather shocking conclusion. At least it was shocking to me.
Happiness is not even something I have considered much in my life; not even as an option.
I am very familiar with the concepts of suffering and of joy. I grew up learning about and talking about suffering. I grew up learning about the concept of joy; not just everyday joy, but biblical joy.
I turned to my sister and said, "we weren't taught to be happy were we, or even that being happy is O.K.???" She agreed.
Now, don't get me wrong, my parents were, in my opinion, wonderful. Not perfect by any stretch of the imagination; but loving, thoughtful, genuinely caring people. And I do think that they liked us to be "happy." But the object of our lives, so I grew up believing both in church and at home was that holiness was more important than happiness. Holiness was being "like Jesus;" which is a great idea; but I don't think that a serious, unhappy Jesus is the Jesus that is the Jesus of the Bible.
Certainly, He suffered, immensely, greatly, incomparably. But I also think that He laughed, danced and enjoyed life. He made wine at a wedding for goodness sakes. And He had not just joy, but ordinary, everyday happiness.
I have certainly suffered in my life; physically, emotionally, mentally; all of it. I have had flashes of joy, laughter and delight.
But I wouldn't say I have been particularly happy, nor have I ever made it point to try to be happy.
Now I know that there are no guarantees in life. Suffering, can and does come, to all of us.
I have seen my dear friend's daughter contract leukemia at the age of 10 months and die at the age of three. My own sweet wee niece died when she was five years old, oh, the agony of the that. My beloved son, who was such a longed for, long awaited child and who is so very dearly loved, has veered of the straight path into a life lived largely to his own destruction. I've been divorced. Our darling daughter has numerous learning disabilities. Another so very much loved niece in her late twenties, is, courageously, bravely, fighting cancer. Sometimes, there is just too much pain.
But there is happiness too. And I mean to find it. Yes, to actually pursue it.
Not that I am a miserable person, I do so love to have fun and to laugh. But I am coming to believe that happiness can and should be something that I can and will look for.
So my 20/20 project, will be my own "happiness project." For 20 weeks I will look for and I will find 20 "somethings" that make me the everyday kind of happy.
It is a challenge that I can sink my teeth into, look forward to.
And that makes me feel, well, happy.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Headaches
My head hurts.
I want to crawl away, curl up and tunnel down.
I want sleep to come, to give relief.
I want the pain to end.
I want to crawl away, curl up and tunnel down.
I want sleep to come, to give relief.
I want the pain to end.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Friends
I love my friends.
They are part of the essence of who I am.
My friends listen to me; cry with me, laugh, giggle and have glorious fun with me.
At times my friends anchor my sanity.
They let me know when I am way out of line, in a gentle but definitive way. That takes courage and I love them for that.
My friends affirm me; encourage me, lift me to a place of growth. They are a source of incredible support.
Without my friends I think that I would have faded into nothingness by now...
My friends are breath to me when I feel I cannot go on. They are connection and warmth and joy.
My friends are loyal and fierce and believe in me no matter what.
What a gift I have.
My friends.
I love you.
They are part of the essence of who I am.
My friends listen to me; cry with me, laugh, giggle and have glorious fun with me.
At times my friends anchor my sanity.
They let me know when I am way out of line, in a gentle but definitive way. That takes courage and I love them for that.
My friends affirm me; encourage me, lift me to a place of growth. They are a source of incredible support.
Without my friends I think that I would have faded into nothingness by now...
My friends are breath to me when I feel I cannot go on. They are connection and warmth and joy.
My friends are loyal and fierce and believe in me no matter what.
What a gift I have.
My friends.
I love you.
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