One of my friends posted it on Facebook. It is called the "Aesthetics of Attentiveness" and it is about a woman who survived a heart attack at 49 years old. She is an art Professor.
Here are the parts that struck me:
"For a year, recovering was Erica’s sole occupation. “Your body doesn’t allow you to do anything,” she explains. “For months I would simply follow the sun through the house and sit in patches of sunlight. I can’t tell you how infrequently in my life I’ve sat in the sun on the porch.”
A woman accustomed to tackling any task presented to her by sheer dint of will, Erica initially resisted such an abrupt stop — attempting to go in to work or to paint. But, she found, “My body let me know on no uncertain terms — as one realizes when one’s pregnant — that there are bodily limitations. I learned the degree to which I needed to listen to my body and how much I had really stopped doing so.” Upon order of her doctor, Erica spent those 12 months paying attention — to her body, to the beauty of life and nature, and to every small, ordinary moment. “It was a process of listening and prayer. I learned that there is no such thing as the mundane, for one thing. I learned how incredibly beautiful every gesture is; to take nothing for granted — no day, no set of eyes — everything is a gift; to trust circumstances that God places you in; and to listen.”
Here Erica pauses in her storytelling. Emotion bubbles to the surface and her vibrant eyes turn glassy as she considers, “It was a year of realizing that we are surrounded at every moment by indescribable beauty, and unfathomable suffering, and profound joy.”
When a colleague gave Erica 30 sheep-skins, she resolved to make parchment from them, filming the process and integrating it into her artmaking. The process of shearing the skins, says Erica is not unlike healing from her heart attack: “It felt like an inward shearing and culling—stripping layers that were unnecessary, in order to become more real.”
This attentiveness, she explains, referencing the philosophers Simone Weil and Iris Murdoch, is the first step in living a moral life. It is essential in honing our ability to hear and see God in daily life — to deepen our prayer and meditation. Being attentive to things outside of ourselves moves us beyond what she calls ‘solipsistic self-preoccupation’. Without paying attention, she says, “we only live on the surface and don’t ever become who we are fully intended to be. We can never be honest or self aware.”"
As a person who has suffered from a chronic illness most of my adult life and has also developed as couple of other health problems, this article was stunningly encouraging to me. For years I had felt bad about being "sick", guilty even, like I was spoiling other people's lives or ruining their good times. This simply is not true. I did not pick the conditions I have and I certainly have sought all kinds of help to control them. But, I have always pushed myself...tried to keep on going, put on an act, or took medication that would enable me at the very least to show up in many of life's moments.
In the past few months, however, I have been paying "attention", respecting and honoring my limitations. Listening to my body. Stopping. Laying down if I have to... and it really has made a difference. There is less actual time lost to these various conditions. I have learned the value of empathy, compassion, quietness. I have learned to be grateful when I am well. I am learning to be happier (on ongoing project), to be content. Like Erica says, "we are surrounded by indescribable beauty, and unfathomable suffering and profound joy."
Also, as a stay at home Mom, I found Erica's word's "there is no such thing as the mundane...how incredibly beautiful every gesture is; to take no thing for granted - no day - no set of eyes - everything is a gift; to trust the circumstances that God places you in; and to listen." - this was so uplifting to me. As a Mom, so much of life seems repetitive, and mundane, yet, indeed, each moment is rich with meaning, and each moment a gift I'm given - to work in, to live in, to celebrate and yes, at times painful and full of suffering.
As Erica says, as we pay attention, we become more "real", more self-aware and more able to be all that we are intended to be, limitations notwithstanding!
So I am thankful today. For this day, with the sun shining, for this day, with its attendant pain, for this day, for all the people who mean so much to me. For this day, because it is gift.
I lift up my cup, I toast my life...
Thank you, God, for all it...for all the joy of loving, for all the pain of suffering, for all the rich lessons I am learning.
Thank you.
P.S.
Here is a link to the entire article I have referenced -
www.twu.ca