I am late in writing this because we have been on vacation...
Now THIS is happiness...the sun, the sea, the ones I love (well some of them anyways), a perfect setting, delectably delicious food. No cooking for me or any other home-type responsibilities...what a lovely break.
I am not complaining, I enjoy being who I am (for the most part), and my life work, taking care of family and home and connecting with the community through my responsibilities at church are all things that are a good fit for me.
But I am loving this break. And this vacation is such a departure from the ones we usually take that it is pure delight.
We are sitting in the sun, reading our books. Zipping around the lake on the seadoo wind blowing in our hair. Paddling in the paddle boat with my little girl. Slicing through the water, feeling the cool refreshment lapping around our skin like gentle caresses. I don't have to think AT ALL about meals, or laundry or the packing and unpacking everything from linens, to food, to clothing, to medicines, etc., etc., etc.... We brought only clothes and swimsuits, just what we need to play in and we are fun, fun, fun.
I learned on day one that attitude is everything...the weather started out a bit iffy...but with gratefulness in mind and a determination to enjoy my holiday, it was like the attitude translated into the weather and everything became the loveliness I had wished for.
So, sometimes happiness just is...everything is the way we dreamed it would be.
I know that there will be storms ahead, that perfection is really just a myth, but for today, I am enjoying the bliss of now...and I am very...happy.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Happiness Project - What happened today...
I was planning on writing about another stair on the rung of my happiness ladder, but something has happened today. So, I am going to tell you about it and what I learned from it.
This morning I was in bed, the fog of sleep surrounding me, the light gently pouring in through the blinds, I was just barely on the cusp of wakefulness when I heard the phone ringing. It was still early, but there was an urgency in me when I heard the ring. I jumped out of bed ran down the stairs to grab the phone before it stopped. I got it.
On the phone his voice thick with gruffness was my son. He was calling from the hospital he said. He had been jumped and beaten up and had been in the hospital all night. Could I pick him up??? He was in the Oshawa Hospital. I tried to question him, did he know where exactly he was in the hospital so I would know where to get him? He didn't know, or seem to be clear at all, muffled curses streamed from his mouth. I said of course I would come. I was strangely calm.
I ran upstairs to quickly dress and wake up hubby to tell him I was going to the hospital. I also called some of my friends, for support and for their prayers.
I went to the hospital. They didn't have any record of him being there. They checked two more hospitals in the area, no one by my son's name. No John Doe's of his age or description. A coldness gripped my heart. I fought back the panic.
I went outside to make some calls on my cell. I called hubby, asked him to call the Scarborough hospitals. I called my son's girlfriend's house where he is presently staying. I am on their not favorite list now, so they did not pick up - but I left a message relaying the situation and desperately begging them to call me back it they had any information at all. A minute or so later his girlfriend's mother called me. She said they had had a message from my ex-husband that my son was in Toronto Western Hospital, I thanked her and called my hubby to call them and confirm that that was indeed where he was. And he was there. Not too long after that my son called, wondering where I was...I think he must have been concussed and confused when he called me the first time. I assured him I would come and get him.
I called my girlfriend and made arrangements for our daughter. I didn't know what condition our son would be in and didn't want her to be upset any more than she already would be knowing that he had been hurt. Thank God for my friends.
Hubby would come with me downtown, to drive in what is such unfamiliar territory and for moral support now that we had our daughter taken care of.
Another call from my son. It was taking a lot of time for us to get there and he is impatient. But you see they had closed down the express lanes and we had to detour south and pick up the Don Valley Parkway from another route.
He told me what had happened...he had gone to a club, left the club, more than rather worse for the wear. Taken a cab but realized that he did not have enough money, so the cabby made him get out of the cab. Being more than a little intoxicated he didn't see it coming - he was grabbed thrown done on the sidewalk, kicked in the face and robbed. He remembers little of that, only waking up people around him, he doesn't remember how he got to the hospital. I listen murmuring sounds of muted horror. I hate this. This is not the first time he has been beaten up. I am locked in a tunnel of calm, maybe even shock. Soon enough, we turn the corner and with him still on the phone, I tell him we are there. Hubby waits in front of the hospital, I get out and look for him. I see him and call his name. He comes towards me. His lips are badly swollen and cut, his nose is broken and bruised. We walk together to the van quietly talking.
He is safe. He is in one piece. He is alive. For this I am thankful. For this I am glad.
He makes light of the situation. "I'm only young once," he says. But at what cost is he expending this youth? This time rich with opportunity, with gifts of personality, strength of will, determination. All, I think, wasted. All his choices. For this I grieve; intensely and completely. Canyon deep, ocean wide....nothing contains this sorrow.
And yet I am able to step back. Play Pollyanna's game. I am glad that he is once again, safe, another narrow miss I think, but still it could have been much, much worse. I am glad that he has the gift of another day, another chance. I am glad we had some time together, in the van, he from the backseat, reaching over and occasionally rubbing my head, seeing that I am upset and trying to comfort me. I reaching back and patting him, reassuring him of my love. I am glad that he called me, that we connected.
I am deeply tired and sad. Yet what I have learned is that the pain we feel when we are hit by hard times is part of the happiness as a whole. We watch the suffering of those we love, whether by their own foolishness, or by life's cruel strokes, and we enter into their pain. It becomes our own. Yet we know that we cannot let the pain swallow us. If we do we too are
lost adrift on the sea. Rudderless, with no purpose. Yet purpose surely exists. There is tomorrow. A fresh new day. Full of wonders. Full of sunshine, and yes, full of storms.
I breathe in fully. My life is a gift. God-given. Each moment counted in tears and in laughter. I lift my voice in gratitude. I am here and tomorrow brings new mercies. I believe this with all of my heart. There are people to laugh with, people who willingly will also weep with me. There are people to love. Barriers to be broken down. Prayers waiting breathlessly to be answered.
There is most of all - hope.
And hope opens the door to happiness.
This morning I was in bed, the fog of sleep surrounding me, the light gently pouring in through the blinds, I was just barely on the cusp of wakefulness when I heard the phone ringing. It was still early, but there was an urgency in me when I heard the ring. I jumped out of bed ran down the stairs to grab the phone before it stopped. I got it.
On the phone his voice thick with gruffness was my son. He was calling from the hospital he said. He had been jumped and beaten up and had been in the hospital all night. Could I pick him up??? He was in the Oshawa Hospital. I tried to question him, did he know where exactly he was in the hospital so I would know where to get him? He didn't know, or seem to be clear at all, muffled curses streamed from his mouth. I said of course I would come. I was strangely calm.
I ran upstairs to quickly dress and wake up hubby to tell him I was going to the hospital. I also called some of my friends, for support and for their prayers.
I went to the hospital. They didn't have any record of him being there. They checked two more hospitals in the area, no one by my son's name. No John Doe's of his age or description. A coldness gripped my heart. I fought back the panic.
I went outside to make some calls on my cell. I called hubby, asked him to call the Scarborough hospitals. I called my son's girlfriend's house where he is presently staying. I am on their not favorite list now, so they did not pick up - but I left a message relaying the situation and desperately begging them to call me back it they had any information at all. A minute or so later his girlfriend's mother called me. She said they had had a message from my ex-husband that my son was in Toronto Western Hospital, I thanked her and called my hubby to call them and confirm that that was indeed where he was. And he was there. Not too long after that my son called, wondering where I was...I think he must have been concussed and confused when he called me the first time. I assured him I would come and get him.
I called my girlfriend and made arrangements for our daughter. I didn't know what condition our son would be in and didn't want her to be upset any more than she already would be knowing that he had been hurt. Thank God for my friends.
Hubby would come with me downtown, to drive in what is such unfamiliar territory and for moral support now that we had our daughter taken care of.
Another call from my son. It was taking a lot of time for us to get there and he is impatient. But you see they had closed down the express lanes and we had to detour south and pick up the Don Valley Parkway from another route.
He told me what had happened...he had gone to a club, left the club, more than rather worse for the wear. Taken a cab but realized that he did not have enough money, so the cabby made him get out of the cab. Being more than a little intoxicated he didn't see it coming - he was grabbed thrown done on the sidewalk, kicked in the face and robbed. He remembers little of that, only waking up people around him, he doesn't remember how he got to the hospital. I listen murmuring sounds of muted horror. I hate this. This is not the first time he has been beaten up. I am locked in a tunnel of calm, maybe even shock. Soon enough, we turn the corner and with him still on the phone, I tell him we are there. Hubby waits in front of the hospital, I get out and look for him. I see him and call his name. He comes towards me. His lips are badly swollen and cut, his nose is broken and bruised. We walk together to the van quietly talking.
He is safe. He is in one piece. He is alive. For this I am thankful. For this I am glad.
He makes light of the situation. "I'm only young once," he says. But at what cost is he expending this youth? This time rich with opportunity, with gifts of personality, strength of will, determination. All, I think, wasted. All his choices. For this I grieve; intensely and completely. Canyon deep, ocean wide....nothing contains this sorrow.
And yet I am able to step back. Play Pollyanna's game. I am glad that he is once again, safe, another narrow miss I think, but still it could have been much, much worse. I am glad that he has the gift of another day, another chance. I am glad we had some time together, in the van, he from the backseat, reaching over and occasionally rubbing my head, seeing that I am upset and trying to comfort me. I reaching back and patting him, reassuring him of my love. I am glad that he called me, that we connected.
I am deeply tired and sad. Yet what I have learned is that the pain we feel when we are hit by hard times is part of the happiness as a whole. We watch the suffering of those we love, whether by their own foolishness, or by life's cruel strokes, and we enter into their pain. It becomes our own. Yet we know that we cannot let the pain swallow us. If we do we too are
lost adrift on the sea. Rudderless, with no purpose. Yet purpose surely exists. There is tomorrow. A fresh new day. Full of wonders. Full of sunshine, and yes, full of storms.
I breathe in fully. My life is a gift. God-given. Each moment counted in tears and in laughter. I lift my voice in gratitude. I am here and tomorrow brings new mercies. I believe this with all of my heart. There are people to laugh with, people who willingly will also weep with me. There are people to love. Barriers to be broken down. Prayers waiting breathlessly to be answered.
There is most of all - hope.
And hope opens the door to happiness.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
My Happiness Project -Sunday report - Pollyanna and me...
This week I experimented with gratefulness.
Each day I searched through my mind and the events of the day and worked on coming up with 5 things to be grateful/thankful for.
It was an exercise that taught me something. You can find things to be grateful for even if you've had a rotten day. It all depends on your focus.
Really, it was much like the renowned Pollyanna's glad game. Pollyanna is of course, the fictional character from Eleanor H. Porter's books. She is the child of missionaries who had been taught by her father to play the Glad Game, in which one goes about "finding something to be glad about in every situation." He had started the game with her when in a missionary barrel all that there was for her was a pair of crutches. There were no toys, no dolls, yet her father instructed her to "be glad" that she didn't need the crutches and so turned the potentially sad turn of events into something positive. This became a lifelong lesson that Pollyanna practiced and also taught those around her the value of looking for the proverbial "silver lining in every cloud."
Pollyanna has been mocked by many...but really, her outlook is a gift we all could use. It doesn't mean ignoring or denying the negative or awful things in our lives, it simply is resetting our focus and finding the good that can be found if we will indeed look for it. As Pollyanna's author said, "When you look for the bad in mankind (or in your life/or your situation- my words ) expecting to find it, you surely will!"
Will you be a bee or a vulture? Bees buzz around looking for the beautiful flowers, getting the pollen to carry so more beauty can be spread. Vultures fly around, circling in the air looking for the death and decay. Both the bee and the vulture find what they are looking for. So it is with me...it's all in my perspective.
What will I choose?
I think from this week's experiment with gratitude, I'll keep up with my own version of Pollyanna's glad game. I will choose to look for the things I can be grateful for...
It follows then, that I will be, well, happier.
Calling all Pollyanna's...
Join me.
Each day I searched through my mind and the events of the day and worked on coming up with 5 things to be grateful/thankful for.
It was an exercise that taught me something. You can find things to be grateful for even if you've had a rotten day. It all depends on your focus.
Really, it was much like the renowned Pollyanna's glad game. Pollyanna is of course, the fictional character from Eleanor H. Porter's books. She is the child of missionaries who had been taught by her father to play the Glad Game, in which one goes about "finding something to be glad about in every situation." He had started the game with her when in a missionary barrel all that there was for her was a pair of crutches. There were no toys, no dolls, yet her father instructed her to "be glad" that she didn't need the crutches and so turned the potentially sad turn of events into something positive. This became a lifelong lesson that Pollyanna practiced and also taught those around her the value of looking for the proverbial "silver lining in every cloud."
Pollyanna has been mocked by many...but really, her outlook is a gift we all could use. It doesn't mean ignoring or denying the negative or awful things in our lives, it simply is resetting our focus and finding the good that can be found if we will indeed look for it. As Pollyanna's author said, "When you look for the bad in mankind (or in your life/or your situation- my words ) expecting to find it, you surely will!"
Will you be a bee or a vulture? Bees buzz around looking for the beautiful flowers, getting the pollen to carry so more beauty can be spread. Vultures fly around, circling in the air looking for the death and decay. Both the bee and the vulture find what they are looking for. So it is with me...it's all in my perspective.
What will I choose?
I think from this week's experiment with gratitude, I'll keep up with my own version of Pollyanna's glad game. I will choose to look for the things I can be grateful for...
It follows then, that I will be, well, happier.
Calling all Pollyanna's...
Join me.
Yesterday's Thankful list
1) O.K. you can never be too thankful for more beautiful days!!! Sunshine - ah, you gotta love it...and it's warm too...personally, I'm less fond of cold bright days...
2) Visit with MIL who then babysat for us.
3) A date with my hubby!!! Out to a movie, Knight and Day, great movie btw, then out for a bite to Mr. Greek.
4) For my husband who actually initiated this date!!!
5) Sitting out on the deck with hubby just chatting and drinking tea in the morning.
2) Visit with MIL who then babysat for us.
3) A date with my hubby!!! Out to a movie, Knight and Day, great movie btw, then out for a bite to Mr. Greek.
4) For my husband who actually initiated this date!!!
5) Sitting out on the deck with hubby just chatting and drinking tea in the morning.
Friday, July 2, 2010
What I'm thankful for today...
1) Another glorious day, filled with sunshine, warmth and good times.
2) A refreshing, invigorating swim, splashing and playing in the water with my hubby, daughter and her friend.
3) My friend's generosity in allowing us to swim in their pool, which is in a beautiful backyard, full of mature trees, flowers of many variety and color. Lovely!
4) Homemade shortcake with fresh Ontario strawberries, loaded with whipped cream...oh yeah...yumilious...(I do enjoy baking and eating too!!! ;) ).
5) Watching the inspiring movie Invictus...go, rent it, it's thought provoking and it's real life...wow...
2) A refreshing, invigorating swim, splashing and playing in the water with my hubby, daughter and her friend.
3) My friend's generosity in allowing us to swim in their pool, which is in a beautiful backyard, full of mature trees, flowers of many variety and color. Lovely!
4) Homemade shortcake with fresh Ontario strawberries, loaded with whipped cream...oh yeah...yumilious...(I do enjoy baking and eating too!!! ;) ).
5) Watching the inspiring movie Invictus...go, rent it, it's thought provoking and it's real life...wow...
Symbols for My Life
A few days ago Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project sent an e-mail to subscribers and asked about symbols. Apparently, Buddists have 9 symbols and Gretchen decided she would come up with her own. She asked us what symbols we would choose for our lives.
I was intrigued by this question and turned the thought over and over in mind. Here are the symbols I thought of for my life -
1) Books - they represent imagination, learning, pleasure and delight.
2) Teddy bears - for me, they are connotative of comfort, gentleness and affection.
3) Water - it is life-giving, renewing, energizing and refreshing.
4) Roots - home, steadfastness, nourishment, stability and security.
5) Triangle - deep connections with - God, my family, and my friends.
6) Pen - flow of creativity, an expression of life.
7) Trees - flexibility, withstand most of the time the winds of life, bend but usually do not break, strength as they grow.
8) Doors - opportunities, options, alternatives, can open up or close out.
9) The Book (Bible) - beliefs, an anchor, a test to measure life.
If you had to pick some symbols for your life what would they be???
I was intrigued by this question and turned the thought over and over in mind. Here are the symbols I thought of for my life -
1) Books - they represent imagination, learning, pleasure and delight.
2) Teddy bears - for me, they are connotative of comfort, gentleness and affection.
3) Water - it is life-giving, renewing, energizing and refreshing.
4) Roots - home, steadfastness, nourishment, stability and security.
5) Triangle - deep connections with - God, my family, and my friends.
6) Pen - flow of creativity, an expression of life.
7) Trees - flexibility, withstand most of the time the winds of life, bend but usually do not break, strength as they grow.
8) Doors - opportunities, options, alternatives, can open up or close out.
9) The Book (Bible) - beliefs, an anchor, a test to measure life.
If you had to pick some symbols for your life what would they be???
Canada Day -Yesterday
Yesterday was Canada Day.
A day to celebrate our country, our freedom, the beauty that surrounds us.
1) I'm thankful to live in Canada, to be able to express myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs without fear of reprisal.
2) I'm thankful for friends to celebrate with, to enjoy great food, good conversation, and the warmth of laughter and connection.
3) I'm thankful for parties! The get togethers. The fun shared and multiplied. This may seem the same as number two, but maybe I'm just doubly thankful...
4) I enjoyed the fireworks, sitting in the park surrounded by my hubby, little girl, her little friend and our friends; watching the cascades of colors like waterfalls from the skies, the music reverberating as the colors explode around us.
5) Finally, I'm thankful for the rest that comes when I get home full of a day rich with flavours of every kind, climb into to bed, curl up and float away in my dreams.
A day to celebrate our country, our freedom, the beauty that surrounds us.
1) I'm thankful to live in Canada, to be able to express myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs without fear of reprisal.
2) I'm thankful for friends to celebrate with, to enjoy great food, good conversation, and the warmth of laughter and connection.
3) I'm thankful for parties! The get togethers. The fun shared and multiplied. This may seem the same as number two, but maybe I'm just doubly thankful...
4) I enjoyed the fireworks, sitting in the park surrounded by my hubby, little girl, her little friend and our friends; watching the cascades of colors like waterfalls from the skies, the music reverberating as the colors explode around us.
5) Finally, I'm thankful for the rest that comes when I get home full of a day rich with flavours of every kind, climb into to bed, curl up and float away in my dreams.
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