Blue

Time drags it's feet.

My heart sinks. I'm filled with an ineffable longing.

I want...

So much.

How much grief can one heart hold and not split into a million fragments, slivered with pain. Glass slicing through the warm sun and the beautiful day. My heart in ribbons blowing in the wind.

You would think that on a day brilliant with sunshine, I would be lifted up...but I feel the darkness closing in. Tears choke in the back of my throat and wet my eyes, I blink them away.

For all the dreams I had a as young Mother, I now have failure, bleakness, time stretching ahead, a desert dry and stark with sorrow.

Tears stream now there is no stopping them. I am bereft. The pain takes over. A monster clawing at my chest.

How long...how long before there is fruition to my wailing, desperate prayers?

Still, I will NOT ever, ever give up.

NOT ever, ever give up hoping.

NOT ever, ever give up praying.

NOT ever, ever give up waiting.

For through the darkness, the Light of the world shines.

And for all the things I am not certain of, this I believe: that God hears my crying and my groaning. He holds me as I weep. He does answer prayer, in His time and in His way.

This I believe, this I will cling to.

So hold me, sweet Jesus in this darkness, hold me.