Relief...and thoughts on Authenticity

Relief lightens the load...

I float like a butterfly, delicate and airy, lighting on the flowers of hope and happiness.

Laughter comes much more easily, tension leaks out draining the wound of wondering.

Quietly, though, I ponder tragedy and the role it so often plays in all of our lives. We are "supposed" to have peace no matter what our circumstances and I have always wondered about that.

I am frail, fraught with every emotion given as gifts to the human race. The gift of feeling and yes, acknowledging the very potent emotions that often swirl around us tornado like, does not fit the system I have often been taught to subscribe to.

Frankly, I hate pretense. The masks I am subtly told to wear, make me rebellious. I will not comply with this show of "perfection" or of being what some believe is a good "Christian."

I long for authenticity. To be who I am: fears, angers, joys, griefs, and hidden complexities. All of this, and also a fierce belief in a God who doesn't want me to be a phony makes me thumb my nose at convention.

I will not be a cookie cutter person.

I think we are longing for reality. To know that who we are, in all our joys and all our griefs is greatly valued by God.

The gift we can give each other is the freedom to know and to be known. To love one another because of and in spite of our many good points and our glaring weaknesses.

And to know that we are loved by a tender, loving, Almighty God just as we are is gift we can give ourselves.

This doesn't mean there is no room for personal growth, but that this growth is carved out in careful thoughtfulness and not in playing the game. This is what I think makes growth real, tangible, touchable and even attainable.

Peace will come and it will sometimes desperately desert us.

But we can plant our feet in the soil of authenticity knowing that as we experience the great expanse of emotions God created us to have we no longer have to be afraid to express those feelings or to let those feelings be woven into the stories of our lives.

And that brings me great relief.