Planning, Parties, and Poop-outs

So, today was my daughter's birthday.

Picture a sweet girl, so filled with anticipation, so very, very happy that THE day has arrived. Off to school she goes, excited about telling everyone from the bus driver to the kids at school, "today is my birthday!!!"

Picture, me, the Mom...got to get everything done...feeling a little frenetic... Getting up earlier than usual to make the specially requested pancakes for breakfast. Get everybody out the door...start immediately preparing the African Chop, so I can put it in the crock pot to simmer the delectable flavors. Let the aromas waft through the house.

Then I get a call from hubby, he forgot his keys, can't get into his desk at work without them. Can I bring them??? Well-l-l-l yes, but I've got to complete a few things here first.

Deliver the keys, then I head off to the store, Hallmark first (forgot to buy her a card, for pity sakes!!), then to the grocery store to pick up some raspberries for the last minute request for raspberry pie, instead of birthday cake.

O.K. then, back home. Shoot, I've got to run upstairs and wrap the presents! Then back downstairs to start the pie, and pie crust, mix up the berries, hopefully not too tart, add more sugar...I make cheese bits, part of my pie making ritual; and eat them after they come out of the oven, warm, flaky and oh so cheesy. I don't tell anyone about this, usually they are a shared delicacy but today, I'm squirreling them away, treating myself to this secret delight. Mom always made cheese bits, so in my mind I toast her with them..."thanks Mom, I do this for you, because of you," memories of her homemade pies and cheese bits wind their way into my party preparations. This is one way we stay connected to those we have lost...carry on beloved traditions.

A spurt of cleaning has to be done now, vacuuming, spritzing up the downstairs bathroom, and some tidying. I have to get out the pretty tablecloth and placements. Now I'm really getting tense, time is a-ticking...the pressure is on. My MIL is arriving soon and I'd like it to look presentable and smell delicious when she walks through the door. (Yes, I STILL like to at least give her the illusion that I've got it all under control...oh sigh, oh sigh...)

She arrives, offers to help and I give her a job.

I busy myself with the final preparations, the "chopping" of all of the ingredients that go on top of the African Chop. I bought some beautiful coloured glass bowls the other day when I was shopping with my girlfriend that will look so pretty with everything in them. Again, a flashback to childhood days when my Mom had some lovely tulip dishes that we used especially for African Chop ingredients.

Hubby arrives and helps out with the chopping. Then he leaves to go get our son from work.

All in all, the dinner goes well. The birthday girl is happy with her dinner and pie. She loves her presents.

But she wants more... She wants time with her big brother, but he is on the computer and responds with less enthusiasm than she would like. Her face falls. Sadness etches itself into her sweet face.

Then as I'm cleaning up the dinner dishes and Daddy is setting up the birthday WII, Nana announces that she's leaving... she's gotta run...consequently our other party-pooper who also lives in Oshawa (he was impatient to go as well so it works out only too conveniently), has to get a ride with Nana and so the party comes to a rather abrupt end.

I get a disappointed clinging hug from my little girl who has learned too often that things are not always the way we would like them to be.

As her Mom and Dad we put on our "happy faces" and do our best to cheer her up, get her distracted with her gifts and the evening fades.

We have learned and keep on learning we cannot control anyone, or anything other than ourselves. Perhaps this is a lesson we can teach our daughter. Enjoy the moments, and try oh try to let go of the disappointments, pain and loss. Make the proverbial lemonade out of the lemons in life.

And always, always, keep on hoping. Keep on dreaming. Keep on believing.

Picture this: our family together, conflicts eased, relationships reconciled, rebellions released, not perfect certainly, but at least on the road to healing.

Now that's something to picture.

That's something to hope for.