I find it hard sometimes to believe that Seana is gone.
Gone from our reality to the next.
Our world seems a little less bright, the days are longer, bleaker.
Our hope of course is heaven, to picture Seana there is overwhelming - to imagine her pain-free, joy-soaked, loved completely and totally, beyond anything we can possibly imagine. Loved by Jesus.
Seana now sees Him face to face. I can see her enter into lively discussions with Him, I can see her throw her back and laugh with Him, their delight in each other a blazing light. I can see her being enveloped in His embrace, looking into His radiant eyes that brim, overflow with compassion and care. I can see Seana and Jesus talking about the past six years, I see Jesus weeping for her pain, her suffering, reaching across the table holding both of her hands. These hands now held in His nail-scarred hands as He explains the wonder of His mysterious ways. I see Seana react; the amazement, the slow dawning of meaning and I see her clapping her hands together - totally caught up in what she now knows, what she now fully understands - now that she is there on the other side. I see the relief and comfort in her face. I see the inconceivable tenderness in the face of Jesus as He gazes at Seana, at her beautiful face now glowing with health and vitality.
I can see Seana running up to my Dad and to my Mom - oh the bliss of seeing one another again!, the hugs, the kisses and again, the laughter. I see Seana walking with Dad through his garden, hiking with him through the forest and up the glorious mountains. Daddy, he is no longer breathless, his heart now and forever beats strong. I see Seana and Dad sitting down, he is drawing - sketching the incomparable beauty that surrounds them and she is leaning her head on him watching as he works just as she did as a young child.
I see Mom and Seana standing in that kitchen of kitchens baking Buttermilk Biscuits, they come out delicious and fragrant. I see Seana bite into one, she, who here, for so long could not eat, now savours this biscuit that she and her grandmother have made together. Oh the recipes they will try out, oh the new ones that they will develop. Everything that Mom says make sense! Gloriously, Mom is again her intelligent self, the frail, depleted mind and body, fully restored.
I see Elisabeth, her delicate beauty warms everyone around her....I see Seana and Elisabeth, they run towards each other, they are jumping up and down, up and down! They are so thrilled to see each other!!! The sting of one of the greatest griefs of our family is now over for Seana.
Seana and Elisabeth, they are laughing with glee, just pure unadulterated glee. They grab each others hands and twirl and twirl and twirl. Oh, what fun they are having! Seana tells Elisabeth she will teach her ji-jitsu and immediately they drop to the carpet of the greenest, softest grasses, effervescent blooms surround them and Seana teaches Elisabeth a move. Elisabeth taps with great laughter, she has heard the stories about Seana, that Seana does not tap and so she willingly taps. Elisabeth is just so glad that one of her cousins is here and they play, learn and grow together. There are endless adventures for them to discover and after their battle :), they sit chewing on long thin pieces of grass and make plans.
Heaven I know, holds only unremitting joy for Seana. The horrendous suffering, the bitter tears, they are now something Seana now longer faces. She has an eternity before her with Jesus, with her family members, with the saints of old. She has unending adventure, unending creativity to develop. She has now and forever Fullness of Joy, in His presence Seana has this now - Fullness of Joy.
Here, now, oh, how we ache, oh, how we long for her. We miss Seana and all that she means to us. We groan with the loneliness that her presence gone from here leaves us with. A part of what makes our family, a family, now resides in Heaven. So we miss her and there is no getting around it, just learning somehow to live the days without her.
Still, we hope, hope beats in our hearts strongly and firmly; that one day we will see Seana again. Somehow this hope rides alongside us present with tearing grief that often ravages our days.
Every day a new day.
A day to grieve.
A day to hope.
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