Grief is not a fast food drive-thru...

I am sometimes baffled by society's view of grief.


Grief is often viewed as something exceedingly negative, perhaps even wrong, especially if the one grieving is perceived to be being grieving too deeply or too long.


What?  Is grief really something we order through the fast food drive-thru?  One order of grief, and we dust off our hands, phew that's over with?  Eat the sorrow, swallow it whole, drink back the tears, toss it back, be done with it?


I cringe from this view of grief.  It is shallow, knows nothing, absolutely nothing, of the cavernous depths of grief. When you dare to love deeply, passionately, completely; invest fully in another human being, grief is not a pill you quaff quickly.


Grief is not linear.  You do not go from A - Z, there, you're done.


Grief is circular, round and round and around again.  It is the slow work of climbing up a mountainside.  Along the way you view the memories, celebrate the wonderful moments, the times together; you suffer the regrets, the mistakes made in just being the human beings that we are,  you rewind the words spoken and unspoken, you re-live the wonder, the pain, the beginnings and you re-play the ending sometimes over and over again.  You rejoice over the laughter you shared and weep deeply for the suffering you endured with and for the one you have lost.


And grief takes time.  A long, long, long time.  Cut grief short and we amputate our emotional growth, stunt the agony so that it buries itself deep inside of us; then it rears up, surprises us - brings boiling rage or the blackest deepest hole of depression.  Our bodies tell stories that words or grief unexpressed scream out.


Grief changes us.  We learn somehow to live with grace.  Grace - it shadows us as we walk through the day, brings some relief from the heat of grief. You learn you can make it through another minute, hour, day.


Grief gives gifts too, if we can receive them.


Grief gives the gift of compassion, of eyes that open in a fresh way to the all the suffering around you, hands that reach out to those in need, who hurt like you do.


Grief teaches that every day is a gift given, live it, be it challenging, joyous, or just plain difficult, just stop, breath it in, this moment, this day.


Grief gives the gift of tears.  Tears that tell the story of the one you have loved and lost.  Tears that release bitterness, anger, and fear.  Tears that smile with memories, jewels that we treasure.


Grief teaches us to "shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel...(James Taylor)."  It teaches us to keep short records of wrongs.  Grief teaches that forgiveness is something to do every day.


Grief teaches us to be vulnerable, to be real, to be authentic.  Do not hide, do not pretend.  When you grieve, you show others that grief is not to be shunned, that it can be navigated, lived with, survived.


One of the most poignant verses in the Bible is "Jesus wept. John 11:35"  Why did Jesus weep?  He knew that Lazarus would be raised, He knew He would call forth life out of death, yet, He wept.


So go ahead weep, grieve, cry, scream.  


We know there is the Resurrection, our greatest Hope - we know He will call life out of death.  Yet, still, we weep, just as Jesus did.


We know that one Great Day we will see those we have loved once again, we will hold them, we will see them gloriously, completely whole.


We will see the One who will wipe every tear from our eyes, the One who holds eternity in His hands.


Here, now, we walk in the land of grief, and, as we journey we hold the nail-scarred Hands of Grace, one moment, one day, one breath at a time.