Did we?

What can affect us more deeply than the love we have for our children?

What can bring us more lilting joy than our children?

What can cause more blistering anguish than to watch the suffering of our children?

What can frighten us to death or thrill us the most than when thinking of the future of our children?

What can keep our eyes wide-open at night  than when we our wondering what will happen to our children?

What can make us cry ocean-canyon's depth more than walking through tough, sometimes horrifying times with our children?

What can split our heart's wide open, see them beating on the floor than when we plead in prayer for our children?

What can make us dance, sing, spin with glee than watching the good things accomplished by our children?

When we  were young and longing for our children to be born: for those sweet baby powder fresh newborns to be placed in our arms by grace - did we dream of any of this?

Did we only think of laughter and giggles and kisses on chubby cheeks?

Did we imagine teenager rebellion, or sudden death, or dreaded disease?  Did we imagine disabilities, or surgeries, or accidents rude and terrible?

Did we think of addictions, or tragedies that would make us lie awake in terror?

Did we think about any of that when we were rocking them, crooning love songs in those precious baby ears?

Did we?

I know I didn't.

I did not know that parenting would call for the most searing love and the fierceness of mother bear.  I did not know the terrible courage that I would have to call upon.  I did not know that nights would loose their peace and that sleep, sometimes, would simply not come.

I did not know about the visits to the doctor's offices.  I did not ever imagine the visits to the counselling office time and again.  I did not know.

I only know that love calls for unspeakable bravery and tenacity.  I only know that love never, ever, ever gives up.  I only know that love keeps on asking, seeking, knocking.  I only know that love wills persistence and endurance.

I only know that love will not stop. Never. Ever.

Until my last breath and beyond, love carries on.

I only know that this love, as imperfect as it may be, heart-beat by heart-beat gasps out hope -unending hope - for my children.

This is the love I have for my children.

It is my calling.