Death Pays a Visit

Death paid a visit in our family.

My cousin, only 55 years old, a fine man, son, husband, father, brother, and grandfather.  Cancer cloaked another member of its club, whisked him away before a time that seems right to us.

His mom, my aunt, said to me "Children, are supposed to bury their parents, not the other way around..." the pang, the longing, the sorrow, it is there in her voice.  I clasp her hand, hug her close.

This refrain, this sentence touches me in the deepest place of my heart.  I have watched one of my brother's bury his wee daughter.  The nightmare of that time I think none of us have fully recovered from.

Death lurks still around many corners in our family and it adds a haunting resonance to our days.  We are caught some days between holding our breath and living that day with as much joy as we can juice out, or, on other days there is quiet despair, no songs sung.

To stay close to one another, to connect when we can, in as many meaningful ways as we can, as imperfect as it may be at times, is so very vital.  It is literally life-blood flowing in our veins, taking each and every moment we can with those we love - valuing, treasuring, every single moment.  Treasuring even the moments that hold hurt or misunderstanding, knowing even then that the love we have is strong enough to transcend any difficulty.

That is one reason, why I think that my love is rooted in my faith, because only His love can carry us through all the ugly moments, when we let our defenses down and say words that never should be said.  Only His love gives us the strength to forgive, cover over the wrongs, and carry on day by day still loving one another.  Only His love gives us the power to withhold judgement from one another, from driving a stake of distance that can seem impossible to cross over.

His love is the love that transcends even death.

The horror of death, of separation, that I fear for myself and for the ones whom I hold so close and very, very dear to my heart -  His love transcends even that.  And although I know that when I see my Saviour`s face there will only be delight for me, I still feel the pull to be with my family -  this family that is tangible, touchable to me in the here and now.

I have watched death breathe on my loved ones faces, I have seen them fight back, push back against its then inevitable grasp.

I think God, Himself gives us that love for, and fight for life because life itself can so often be a challenge, a struggle, something or some circumstance to overcome.  So this fight we have in our very spirits, this will to survive, to live,  is woven into to our very DNA and it stays with us till the very last.

Love is the bridge between life and death.  It is the heart that never does stop beating. Love stretches out between time and eternity.  His love is the love that promises me that one day I will once again be held in the grip of those whom I miss so very much in ``now`` time.

I have not yet conquered my fear of death even in the face of all I believe.  Life here, holds so many of those I love, and I would be loathe to leave them.  And even if death were to appear as sweet medicine - life, beats a strong rhythm on its drum.

I know that death is a certainty for all of us one day.

But for us, for those I hold dear, I`d like to slam the door in death`s face.

Please, no visit today.