This afternoon and this evening promise to be busy and I feel a bit smug that I've got dinner in the crock pot and the thought of a more relaxed supper before heading out tonight gives me a boost. No rushing frantically about, no stressing or worrying about being late for the Wednesday evening Bible Study.
My kitchen reverberates with quiet.
In this moment I can hear the fridge buzzing, the clock ticking, and the dog turning around on the little mat by the door. She wants to lie in the sunlight streaming in, bathing her in warmth.
It is still and peaceful. The earlier feelings of loneliness I had, have vanished. I have made a few connections today, talked to a couple of friends and hubby. The warmth of their voices, the laughter we shared reflect the warmth of the sunshine and the blue of sky.
The quiet now is a gift, a treasure trove of moments - to read, to write, to reflect, to be thankful for this day.
The anxiety and emotional tenor of yesterday and the days before that has eased off, and I am grateful. Grateful to feel happy in my own skin, aware of the goodness wrapped up in this day, presents I will open one by one.
Some days I am so immersed in the mire, so concerned about those that I love that I can barely keep from drowning in the waves of despondency.
I work on teasing apart the thoughts and feelings that course through my brain. I remind myself that I am not my thought or my feelings. I try to remember that my identity is not framed in the feelings I have or the thoughts that I may be thinking. I remind myself to breathe, to slow down, to just be.
Perhaps, part of the essence of peace in any day is the ability to accept where I am and what is happening around me without being sent into a tailspin. There is an old saying that goes like this - "In acceptance lieth peace." I think whoever penned this was onto something. And of course, the Serenity Prayer says it all...
It is however, very easy to quote sayings and then to post them as a pretty picture, but exceedingly difficult to live out moment by moment. Nevertheless, this is what I am aiming to accomplish, to gain this acceptance of the things I cannot change (and there are so very, very many), and to gain the courage I need to change what I can, which is really just me...
So I am enjoying today - reveling in the moments.
None of us know what tomorrow may hold. So, I'll work on letting tomorrow stay in tomorrow - as Mom always used to quote to us, "sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matt. 6:34) Each day has trouble enough on its own, so I needn't go to the bank and borrow some more.
It is amazing how much wisdom there is in these sayings and yet, because we have heard them over and over again, it is so easy to dismiss them as "cliche."
I take a deep breath, and move on. I will take some time today before the busyness ramps up and rest...Molly will come and curl up beside me. Her sweet warm body will tuck next to mine and we will drift away, perhaps even dream.
When the times comes for everything to kick into high gear, I'll breathe, ground myself in the moment and do the best I can...take the moments as they come and take the grace that will come with them. Whether this is just another ordinary day or not, I'll walk through it, holding my head up high, with, I trust, acceptance and courage in my heart.
And tomorrow?
It will be another day.
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