Sorrow

The sorrow claws at the back of my throat.

The tears cloak my eyes.

Though the sun is shining through the window and warming my back, my heart is dark and sad.

Ocean deep, oil mined, gushing from the depths of my soul this melancholy stains the blue of the water of my life with the slick black velvet of gloom.

I can find no relief.

I cry out - lift me, lift me up... hold me oh hold me till this night of my life passes into day. And oh, when, oh when, will the day come again. How long before we see light – white and pure?

Isn't it the cruelest thing to rob a child from its mother? Child -young or old how can a mother bear this terrible loss, this tearing of her heart?

If this is surrender then surrender is a wound that rips a soul in two.

If grain of wheat must fall into the ground and die then death is all I have.

Where is the resurrection? Where is the hope? The hope eternal. The hope that never stops singing at all. Where oh, life, where are you?

Why must I watch the crushing of all I hold dear be ground, powder so fine it gets into my eyes, my nose, grits my teeth.

I feel the panic rising, rushing over me. It is too much!

Please God, too much...stop, stop.

Bring that peace like a river because the sorrows are sea billows rolling and I am drowning!!!

I go down, come up gasping. Jesus, Help, oh, help. How can I bear this devastation?

Grace...that amazing grace...bring that grace to me...reach your Almighty hand before I go down into the depths and never return.

Help me, help me, please.